Inside looking out

I can relate to the inside looking out perspective. I like being there, but someday I would like to understand how it feels being outside. I’m not autistic, but HSP, so being in the outside world is fun but exhausting, so I like my little inside world very much 🙂
For comments please visit Lainas blog/Anna

the silent wave

Looking out at the world, I see buildings and cars and people. People milling about, living their lives, doing what they do. They remind me of ants in little colonies, little communities, doing what needs to be done, because it needs to be done.

I’m sure they’re intelligent and cognizant–the ants, I mean. OK, I’m kidding, kind of. The people probably are, too. But do they stop and think about what it’s all for?

I can only speak for myself, and I know that I’m like a glass house, fragile with many rooms and facets, the separating walls of which are fragile and wrought with illusion and confusion.

The popular phrase is being “on the outside looking in”. Even my mobile’s autosuggest understands this and helpfully offers to finish my sentence like a longtime life partner.

That phrase, however, does not quite speak to me. I’m inverted, after all.

My…

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Have you seen my cats?

I thought that headline would give me som attention 🙂

I don’t have any cats, but I have cat-egories that wants your attention.
There for I call them my Cats.

If you’re interested in Nature and save the earth issues, then you can check out my Cats called:
Trosa förbifart/Infart Västra | Annas Art – FärgaregårdsAnna

Nature miracles | Annas Art – FärgaregårdsAnna

If you fancy my drawings you probably like the Cat:
drawings | Annas Art – FärgaregårdsAnna 

If you want to know more about how I blog, then you go se my Cat:
blogging | Annas Art – FärgaregårdsAnna

If you wonder about HSP introvert aspects, then go talk to my Cat:
Introvert/extrovert/HSP | Annas Art – FärgaregårdsAnna

If you’re curios about my place on earth, a little town in Sweden, then you can check out the cat:
Trosa paintings/Trosamåleri | Annas Art – FärgaregårdsAnna
I have more Cats than this, but this will be it for now.

Thanks for visiting my blog, I really like you as visitors and followers.
Gives me inspiration for new art work, and I hope I give inspiration back to you through my art.

Anna

Friends

You never get me tired

This blogfriends thing suits me very well.

I can interact with you when ever I feel like it.

I can choose all by my self how long my visit by your place’s gonna be. When I come back and when I leave.

I can take my time to think about what I wanna say in your comment field without feeling pressure of inventing an instant oneliner.

I don’t have to dress up for meeting you.

I don’t have to excuse myself when I wanna go home early.

I don’t have to talk to people I don’t feel like talking to at the moment.

I can take a break in socializing at any time I want.

I can try out answers before I deliver them.

I can talk to you and get lots of inspiration without getting tired of the millions of impressions that I get from IRL socializing.

By now some of you may suspect my point in this list.

I’m one of the HSPs 🙂

You can read more about Highly Sensitive Persons at
http://hsperson.com/

It’s a gift, the way I see it.

I really like people IRL too, but they consume my energy a lot more than you WP people.

Today I had a “outside day”, meeting lots of nice people. For me that’s exhausting. One hour in a room full of people talking all the time is like five hours for others. I been out there in about four hours today. That’s about twenty hours for “normal” people.

Need I say that I had a long day today? But a very nice day though!

Till er som läser svenska, säg till om ni vill ha denna text på svenska, då gör jag en svensk version.

Anna

Friends/Vänner

Narc Radar part 1

This is a post inspired by Persia Karemas blog and the comment conversation I sometimes have with Persia on the narc theme.

I also recently got inspiration from Robert Goldsteins blog for this post.

And many more of you, who writes about this. To you all, keep writing such post, they’re important and very educational.

Do you have a narc radar?

Some of you will answer with a big immediate YES. Then you will recognize everything I write further down in this post. Nothing will be new to you.

Some of you maybe wonder what I’m talking about. For you everything will be new information and hopefully an eye opener.

When a few of you read this post, you will try to deminish me and my words and make it look like I don’t tell the truth and that I write bad things about you as a person in this post and that I write about myself and not you. If your reaction will be like this I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to read on.
You will only get upset and think every word is part of an evil conspiracy against you. Before you stop reading I can tell you, this post is not about your person specific and it’s not a conspiracy against you. I don’t know you and therefore I can’t write bad or good about you as a person. But if you still think this post is about you, then stop reading now, for your own good.

To all of you who followed me here, hi again. Sorry about the interruption 🙂

Are you aware of how some people seems to use other people as lego parts to build their own person? They take a bit here and a bit there and make a person of the pieces and claim it’s their own unique personality?

Are you aware of how many parts that’s been taken from you? They are smooth criminals. They take small small parts of everyone’s personality if they find it useful. Far too few people notice the stealing.

Why? Well, we are not enough aware of the copies they make of everyone’s personality parts. They glue the copied parts together and all we see is, what we at first sight see, a normal person with common personality.

How do we discover the fake? It’s not always easy, but if you listen very carefully to what they say and how they act, you will, with a little training and not too many flying monkeys around, learn how to spot the difference between truth and false appearance.

If you get the feeling that they act even though it’s not a play on the theatre going on, then you might be on something.

Try to plant out words and expressions that you can single out from the daily vocabulary. Maybe you have specific branch terms or self invented terms that you can use. If you wait patiently you will hear this person use your specific terms after a while, but probably not exactly in the way the words are supposed to be used. They want you to think that they sounds like a rocket scientist and full of knowledge. They steal your vocabulary because they don’t have one of their own.

If you listen even more carefully you will hear the use of other stolen words and expressions. The person may have spoken to friends of yours. Then you will hear some of their expressions if the person find something they said useful for their purpose.

If you feel an invisible resistance, you can’t seem to define, then you should be aware. You can, if you dare, try to find out if the resistance seems to be real. Try to imply that you don’t agree with what the person is saying. If the person seems to react with hostility and try to make you feel bad or try to make your point of view completely inadequate, then you most certainly should back of as far as you can from this person. You will never get anything but trouble as long as the person is connected to you in any way.

But then you might say, the person is so charming and so nice, it’s hard to believe anything not nice about the person. That’s a really big warning sign. The overniceness, the smoothness, the charmness. Those things only last as long as you do what the person wish you to do. Think telephone sales persons. They are only nice as long as you give them the right answers and you say you will buy something from them.

This is a forever going on lesson, so I continue in another post in the future.

Have a great day ya all!

And a big thank you to Persia for inventing the Narc Radar term!

Anna

Sky’s on fire?

  
Nature miracles never cease to amaze me. Look at this sky. I could never do a painting that magic.

I’m glad I could capture the moment with a camera.

I always get overwhelmed by nature beauty. Every word is to small to describe nature miracles, every feeling is to limited to express the experience of seeing nature miracles.

A sky like this can make my day even if it’s a short appearance one minute in an early morning.

Anna

I’m having a Me day

I’m one of those people who needs Me days after a period of People days.

I like People days in small doses. I like Me days in big doses. But often I get these day categories the other way around. People days comes in big doses and Me days comes in small doses. I guess that’s life, but when People days comes in big doses and I don’t get Me days, then I feel like people is eaten me up, bit by bit.

I need my Me days to recover. I need my Me days to be me again. I need my Me days to regain my thinking process, my ability to create art.

I have more to say than nice phrases. I do that in my art. The People days almost always means days of only nice phrases, that bores me out totally. Though, those days gives me constant reminders of how important it is for art to tell us something more than nice and suitable phrases.

So, my Me days are important, not only for myself, but for anyone else, who’s interested in hearing something more than nice and suitable phrases.

And one more thing, all of you wp friends belong to my Me days, just so you know 😉

Anna

  

Me days

Do you have “me days”? You should all have me days.
They’re lovely and gives you new energy and new ideas.

What’s a “me day”?

For me a “me day” is a lovely day where I do what I want, without worrying about anything else. I do things I like, paint a painting for an example, live in my mind without disturbing of other people. I think my thoughts through. Come up with new ideas. I take tea breaks and eat breaks and live in my mind all day.

There could be people around, but I don’t really let them in, I continue to spending my day in my mind. I can read, listen or work in the garden. It doesn’t really matter what I do, the main thing is to let go of the outside world and let the day be a “me day”.

I look like this those days I manage to reach the state of “me day”.

Anna

A great me day

Up to surface

  

This post by Stephellaneous caught my attention and reading time today.

The Shrinkening Commences
https://stephellaneous.wordpress.com/2015/12/06/the-shrinkening-commences/

Please give her some oxygen. We can all help her on the way up to surface if she has enough oxygen in here diving tubes. Go visit her blog. She’s an excellent writer 🙂

Her first therapist called us wp friends “not real”. Let’s show that we are for real 🙂

Anna

Do you do like this?

Being an introvert high sensitive person (HSP) means that you should avoid certain type of people if you also want to avoid being totally exhausted in less than five minutes.
Those kind of persons are not always easy to avoid and when you have to be in the same area as them for hours you will be totally worn out mentally.

I’m talking about the persons who refuse to be them selves when mingling with other people. Despite the fact that they’ve known the people around them since stoneage and doesn’t have the slightest reason to put on an act, they still do that. No one buys the ticket to the show, but they give it anyway.

That’s exhausting for HSP to be around those kind of people. You feel the wrongness, the false theater, the playing and that steals all energy you have.

It’s a black hole and you can’t do nothing about the gravitation power at that point. You just have to cope til the times up and you can go home to a safe zone again far away from the show, you never wanted to see in the first place.

Avoid this kind of people if you can. There’s a lot of them, so it’s not easy 😉

Anna

Who is the biggest?

We sometimes divide people into introvert and extrovert groups. Most of us are a little bit of both, others are more introvert than extrovert and vice versa.

But, which of these groups takes more space than the other? Or do we give both groups equal space?

I drew a simple picture based on this issue when I started to read about introvert/extrovert couple of years ago.

I think we have the right to equal space no matter what group we belong too in the intro/extro definition.

Some of us talk less and maybe think more, some of us maybe think less and talk more. That’s what I’m trying to show with this drawing.

Welcome to share your thoughts about this.

I think this is a really interesting subject.

Anna

  

Age

…is a funny thing.

When I see little kids playing soccer I want to be nine years old again.

When I see teenager girls talk talk talk and laugh laugh laugh I definitly not want to be a teen again.

When I see babies in stroller I think it would be nice being a baby again, that my parents take care of all day long.

When I see those who have lifelong vacation after a long work life, I’m perfectly happy with my own age, when I see their health issues.

Somehow age is an illusion to me. We are as young or old as we feel. It’s not the years that counts, it’s your experiences and your sence that makes your age, I think.

I found a fresh blog written by a person, which have thoughts that could have been my thoughts twentyfive years ago. But I’d never dared to share them at that age. This twenty year old writer is braver than I was 🙂

This was the post I found:
It is difficult to change… Introvert, Loneliness, Depression

Anna

  
Up to surface/Upp till ytan

Explanation of a the Please respect post

I did a short post called Please respect…

where I wrote:

If you seek my attention and don´t seems to get response, then I may have my reasons. Please respect that 🙂

This reaction go way back to my childhood. I didn’t know it then, but since I learned about how introverts and also High Sensitive Persons perceive other persons feeling cloud, as I chose to call it, I’ve been able to understand why I react to certain people by total closure.

I sounds like a weird total introvert idiot, but I can be extrovert too, but this thing when I totally close down, that I can do nothing about and don’t want to either.

When do I close down totally?

When people with narcissistic traits tries to be my friend and sometimes even more than that.

They may not even be narcissistic, but they can show such traits anyway. I’m completely allergic to such people. I want to like and love every one, but I realize I cannot if I want to stay healty and free in my soul.

With the same logic that cats and dogs immediately looking up the only allergic person in the room to say hi, narcissists seems to take interest in the only person that do not want to talk to them.

It’s been a curse all my life, I realize by now. When I was young I didn’t understand why I tried to avoid certain people, but now as an adult I know exactly why.

The problem isn’t a problem really. Not for me. I can spot this kind of people miles away from a half life experience. But no one else seems to understand that I do that. They don’t get that I already see lots a step forward. And to avoid those steps and trouble I will get into, if I ignore my intuition, I close totally in step one instead of step ten.

I probably still sound very weird. High Sensitive Persons percieve about five times as much as “normal” people in the same timeline. So if you need an hour to find things out. I already have the answers in little more than ten minutes.

That’s unfair to people you may say. But I’ve been around too many narcissists to waste time on another one and another one and so on. I don’t have the time to be fake nice to people I get nothing but trouble from in the future.

So I will keep closing down totally when I don’t want to interact with people that reminds me of trouble-people from my past.

This is a sad side of me. Not being able to be nice and chat with everyone I meet. Everytime I tried a different way, it ends up with they eating me up. And I don’t want that.

I though think that everyone has their right to exists as they are, so I’m only asking to be left alone in the point of not demand answers and reactions from me when I don’t want to interact.

You will notice when I don’t want to interact. I simply don’t answer your invites to interaction. Normal people get this, narcs continue to seek interaction in every way the come to think of.

I really like to interact with you in normal cases, so please continue to visit, like and comment on my blog.

Happy blogging everyone 🙂

And by the way, I’m fine now, the post Please respect may have worked this time, thank you 🙂
Anna

Story behind the drawing:
We need Heart of stones sometimes | Annas Art – FärgaregårdsAnna

Autism

This is a great post from Aspiblog.

I think We are all humans and we are all different and also should be that. I’m a half hearing person, but don’t see that as an error that need to be cured.

I don’t know all about being autistic, but I can relate to some things that often is labeled as autistic. I once read a book that opened my eyes totally. The author tells about her childhood as an autistic girl, only she doesn’t know about it until she’s adult.
Her story was very interesting to read and I could recognize some of her experiences.

I’m just a High Sensitive Person (HSP), but after I read that book I realized I could have “choosen” the autistic things as well, but I didn’t.

It’s nothing you really choose, but with more courage I could have been more autistic in my childhood than I dared to be.

I don’t know if the book is translated, it should be but you can read about the book here. If you read Swedish 🙂

En annorlunda barndom – Wikipedia (a different childhood, author Iris Johansson)
https://sv.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/En_annorlunda_barndom
Anna

aspiblog

INTRODUCTION

This post is by way of a public response to two blog posts that I have recently encountered. I am writing this because in twitter speak I am #actuallyautistic.

TWO IMPORTANT BLOG POSTS

The post that first planted the germ of an idea for this piece in my mind was published by Autism Mom under the title “Sometimes I don’t know what to think”. In it she mentions being at an autism related event and hearing someone talk about “curing” their son’s autism.

The other post that helped to spark this was published this morning on parents.com under the title “15 things I tell my friends when they’re facing an autism diagnosis”. As a sample of what to expect I offer two paragraphs (they are not contiguous in the actual piece)…

Be wary of “cures” and “recovery.”
One of the first books I read about autism was…

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